My voting dilemma...

Lately I have tried not to be too political on Facebook.  The reason is not at all that I don't care about the election, but because as opinionated as I am, I did not feel confident enough in either candidate to vote for them.  It bugs me but I just cannot pick a side, which is unfortunately what you are forced to do in this country since no third party is ever given a shot for Presidency.  That being said, since I did not get to express my opinions by voting, I thought I would blog about them.  

I was raised Conservative, and for many years blindly just believed whatever political information was spewed at me, and thought little about it myself.  Some of it, I still value.  Mainly, on the topic of abortion.  I am sickened at the thought of it, the process.  Up until I would say just months ago, I would vote for a conservative politician on that issue alone.  There are a lot of flaws with that logic that I still wrestle with.  Mainly that it is just plain ignorant to vote for a person on ONE issue alone.  Additionally, now that I am pregnant, and realize what an physical and emotional roller coaster it is, is has opened my eyes.  I still do not believe abortion is right, in general.  But if I was a woman who was raped, or who's life was in serious danger by having a baby, and someone else told me that I had to carry/and give birth to a rapist's child, or I had to risk my own life, I would be PISSED.  In reality, I would carry that child, I would like to think I would risk my life for my unborn baby, BUT those should be my choices, not someone else's.  Now that I know what being pregnant entails, I don't want anyone else telling me what I should or should not do with my body and the baby inside me.  I honestly think these are the only two circumstances where I can justify in my mind why someone might consider abortion, and this is still what holds me back from voting for someone who supports a woman's right to choose in any circumstance.  This is my biggest hang up.  I don't know if that makes sense, but it does in my head.  Anywho, moving on.

Why can I not just stop thinking and vote Conservative?  A lot of reasons, all based on life experiences that I have been very fortunate to have in my adult life that has helped me see the world very differently than I used to when I was a very sheltered, younger person.  I work in the social services field.  I work with individuals who have come from some of the most horrific and traumatic backgrounds, and daily have so many obstacles to overcome because of these circumstances.  They have more to teach me and society than most "regular" people.  We are expected to "fix" people, but do it on as little money and resources as possible.  In addition to that, those of us in the social services field are constantly getting burnt out by high caseloads, lack of resources because of funding cuts, and to top it off, low salaries.  You know who most likely will vote to cut funding to social service programs?  Conservatives.  Hard to vote for that.

Education?  Who typically supports funding cuts for education or at least does not put it as a top priority? Conservatives.  Not liking that.

Off-shore drilling (which in my opinion is sickening)?  Conservatives.

But what do liberals (and yes I do recognize this is somewhat generalizing), and in this case Obama support:
Funding for Education
Healthcare reform (which I am sorry, complain about Obamacare if you want, but SOMETHING needed to change, and I respect the guy who tried something and is actually making something happen).
Solar Energy (which COME ON, is AWESOME!)
Conservation of the Environment
Equal Rights ( I know way too many awesome gay people/couples who would respect the commitment of marriage more than most straight people, so One Man, One Woman is a crock of complete shit).  

^^^Do these things cost money?  Yes.  Does that mean it might result in a tax increase?  Yes.  Am I OK with this?  Yes.  We are going to spend money, we might as well invest it in things that actually give us a chance at bettering our lives long-term.  People need to be able to afford education so they can get GOOD jobs.  People need affordable healthcare options so that they can actually get medical treatment when they need it without going into massive amounts of debt.  And unless we start looking at greener, more environmentally friendly options for energy and sustaining our environment, we are just screwed.  The world's resources are not going to last forever.

One of the big arguments I here people making in support for Romney is his plan to create jobs.  What kind of jobs does he want to create?  
Another argument is that they don't like "Obamacare".  If someone can tell me exactly what Romney is going to do that will be better and ensure that everyone will get good healthcare, then please, detail that for me.  But I know many people, no fault of their own, who have not had access to good insurance and have benefited from Obamacare.  Personally, my insurance sucks, and I have much more confidence in Obama's chances at somehow doing something that impacts me than Romney. 

Gun control.  In general, I do not support gun control (typically a conservative stance).  However, I do think as a professional in the mental health field, that before anyone acquires a fire arm, they are obligated to register, take classes, AND undergo some form of mental/psychiatric exam.  It is too easy to get a firearm and too easy to carry.  Many people can handle this responsibility just fine.  Many cannot, and these are the people who will screw things up for everyone.  Is this stance a bit too liberal for most conservative anti-gun control supporters?  Yes.  Do I think people should have the right to have weapons in their home?  Yes, IF they can prove that they are fit to have them.  

I am sure I have forgotten a lot of important things here, but if anyone is reading up to this point anyway and had made some sense of what I have said I am impressed!  

Do I claim to be an expert on any of these issues?  No.  But I would bet my house that anyone reading this isn't either.  Regardless of who you choose to vote for, I hope that you have put at least as much thought into it as I have, and debated with yourself in your mind so much that you can honestly say you are thinking for yourself and standing up for what you believe in and not blindly following what someone else has told you you should believe.  I think the most insulting thing someone can do is tell me what I should think, who I should vote for, for no good reason, other than "That is just what's right".  Life experiences shape our choices and my life experiences have opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of what I blindly believed before does not work for me now and I feel obligated to figure out what DOES work for me before I go vote for someone and say that I support them in leading me, and this country.  

I know that there is a great deal about politics that I do not understand, and because I am in such a transition stage in my life of figuring out who I am and what I stand for, I just couldn't bring myself to chose one side.  Really, I was just a bit of a chicken because while in the past I would blindly vote republican, I knew 100% I did not want to do that this year.  But, I just couldn't get over that hurdle and vote Democrat either.  I am frustrated with myself for this, but I am proud that I am feeling so strongly about figuring out what I stand for so I can confidently vote in the next election.  I know who I would have voted for this year, and a big part of me feels very irresponsible for not doing it and standing up for a lot of the issues that I AM so passionate about.  But I do not EVER want to be one of those people who vote for a candidate just because they are of a certain party, or just because they hate the other candidate.  But just because I did not vote does not mean I don't care. I do care a great deal actually.  I just wish that everything that I cared about was wrapped up all nicely in a little package to make things much clearer.  But it's not, and so my journey of self-discovery continues.  A lot of people might not like it or agree with me, and to all of them I say, kiss my ass and suck a fat one because I have probably given my political beliefs a lot more thought than you ever did because if you had taken it that seriously, you would understand what a difficult choice is really can be.