Things That Are Impossible When You Are 9 Months Pregnant

Things that are impossible:

1. Shaving my legs
2. Clipping toe nails
3. Drying my feet after a shower
4. Bending over in general
5. Rolling over in bed
6. Going more the 90 minutes without having to pee
7. Sleeping longer than 2 hours before waking up to pee
8. Getting off the couch without grunting
9. Sitting down without grunting
10. Walking without a waddle
11. Breathing through my stuffy nose
12. Eating anything without getting heartburn
13. Not having back and hip pain
14. Not walking around like a crippled old lady who needs a walker
15. Walking up 2 stairs (not flights of stairs, just 2 stairs) without getting winded.
16. Opening a door and not banging it into your stomach
17. Cooking without banging your stomach into the counter
18. Not feeling like the Goodyear blimp with your swollen face, feet, ankles, and hands.
19. Working, or doing anything productive for an extended period of time due to exhaustion and serious pregnancy brain.
20. Being graceful.  

21. Not smiling every time baby kicks his little feet or sticks his little butt out so far in makes my stomach look lopsided.
22. Giggling to myself every time Baby head butts me in the bladder and sends me running to the bathroom.
23. Not rubbing my belly.
24. Not thinking about Baby 24/7
25. Not being a little proud of yourself for surviving the ups and downs of pregnancy so far, and for actually becoming stronger because of it.
26. Not counting down the days/hours/minutes/seconds until your due date
27. Not working yourself into a manic state due to being so overwhelmingly excited to meet your little man.
28. Loving your husband any more than when you think about what a good father he is going to be.
29. Not obsessing over the sudden need to shampoo the hell out of your carpets.
30. Not worrying about whether you will be good at breast feeding.
31. Not being a little bit scared by a breast pump.
32. Not wondering how you will handle your baby's first blow out.
33. Not laughing when thinking about how you are going to react to your baby's first blow out.
34. Not thinking about how scary the world is now that you are going to be raising a child in it.
35. Understanding how you can love something so much you haven't even met yet.
36. Understanding how you ever lived before this little person was in your life.
37. Not getting a little misty every time you think about all the things that you have to look forward to in the future.
38. To be any happier or to feel any more blessed.
39. To not be willing to take on the world if it meant protecting your baby.
40. Not to give your whole heart to the little person you created despite how scary it is that no matter how hard your try, so much is out of your control.

I wouldn't trade any of it for anything else in the world.  It hasn't been easy, but it's been perfect <3